Caroline (00:01.813)
Today I have Dr. Brandy Stamper with me. Brandy is a certified executive coach, facilitator, and associate teaching professor with over 15 years of experience in leadership coaching and training. Welcome, Brandy.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (00:14.958)
Hi Caroline, thank you for having me.
Caroline (00:18.293)
So you had an amazing career in corporate, you climbed the ladder, then a year and a half ago you went out on your own, full all out to your coaching business. So what made you pivot?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (00:29.614)
Oh, such a fun question. So for me, I have always been about empowering women and wanting women to go to the next level, right? And I didn't get that chance to do that when I was a teaching professor. I was definitely helping students and empowering, getting confidence for students. But I think that's a good question.
kept seeing some of those issues when I was consulting with women. And I'm like, you know what? It's just, it's one of those things, it was like a calling. Like I just woke up one morning and I was like, I am not doing fully what I was called to do on this earth. And it's time for me to pivot for that. And I just went for it. It's not a beautiful story, but it's basically I woke up and I said, no, it's time to move to something that is more aligned with your purpose and what really excites me. So that's where I am.
Caroline (01:22.261)
You hear these stories sometimes and sometimes people are building up side businesses or have a side hustle going on and they have to, you know, make it to XYZ income level to quit their corporate job. It sounds like you just ripped the bandaid off.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (01:34.988)
Part partially. So I am still teaching some part time, right? Because I do love the classroom, right? But yeah, I think it's one of those I was just in a position. I'm an Enneagram three self preservation. So self preservation basically just means I'm Enneagram specialist. I'm sure we'll talk about this later, but I'm all about having my resources and my ducks in a row so I feel safe and secure.
Right. And so when I made this move, I did make sure that I was safe and secure in my own way in order to make the move. So I will say there was planning in the background in the sense of it wasn't like, hey, let's go. Let me do what I need to do. I did make sure I had certain things in order, but that's me. But yeah, I did rip the bandaid off and say it's time to go because I've been doing things like this during my time as a professor with consulting work and some of those things. But I was like, no, it's time to go on my own.
Caroline (02:30.837)
So I love everything you're doing with your programs and empowering women and specifically with the leadership piece. So why is confidence so important in leadership?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (02:42.254)
Well, in part, specifically for women, right? For women, we are socialized in so many different ways, from unconsciously, from our parents, from our peers, from a very young age to act like a people pleaser or to put others ahead of ourselves and to not really be fully vocal about what we want and take it on and why we want it. And so...
in leadership, having that confidence is extremely important because people are willing to, they want to be a part of that if they feel that that person is confident in what they're doing and can be confident in helping them move along the way. So it's like the idea if you are going to step onto an airplane, all right, with a pilot and the pilot's like, oh, wait, there's a phone commercial out there where a woman is for imprint.
It's a four imprint commercial and the woman's like, the guy's like, hey, I packed your parachute. And she's like, are you four imprints certain? And he's like, yeah. And so he doesn't really have like a lot of confidence about being certain that he was able to do the job. So I think especially for women, that confidence is extremely important because as women, we tend to second guess ourself a lot. And.
I'm sure you know, studies show that women will not apply for a job unless they meet like 100 % of the criteria, whereas men, if they only meet 60%, they're like, let's go for it. And I even saw it like with myself versus my husband when we were applying for jobs. And that's when I was like, no, like, absolutely, I can do this. And other women feel the same way. So it's having that confidence. And even if you don't know how to do something, like if you're not the expert in it.
you absolutely have the experiences to be able to apply it to that position. So now I'm even working with my working moms. I'm like being a mother or stepmother, you have the criteria and the flexibility and they know how to absolutely run a corporation because the CEO does that same exact thing. You could probably do a better job at it because if you can negotiate with a two year old and get what you need, then you can absolutely negotiate with anybody.
Caroline (05:00.117)
That's hilarious that you brought that up because that is so true. Those skills are definitely transferable. So how do you build confidence?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (05:09.87)
Ah!
First and foremost, I think where confidence comes from is it's not this fake it till you make it thing, right? A lot of people out there will be like, oh yeah, fake it till you make it. And in some ways it's okay, but psychologically our brains are not like that. If you don't believe it's gonna happen, it's gonna be the self -fulfilling prophecy, right? So from a psychological background, you have to actually believe in part of it and rework it. So there's a couple of things to confidence, but I think the number one piece of confidence is,
self -awareness and inner knowing. As women, we tend to not really know what our inherent strengths are, or we're like, yeah, we're good at that, but there's so many more people who are better than me, right? Or when we go into a room, we kind of negate those strengths. So doing a lot of the inner work that we tend to put behind because we're taking care of everybody else, that puts us behind in confidence. So by inner work,
is knowing who you are, what you stand for, your values, your core purpose, and what those inherent strengths are. What makes you that? And I cannot, can I cuss on your podcast? Okay, some people are like, don't do that. But it's knowing that, it's knowing what makes you a badass, right? And being able to come out unapologetically and be like, this is my strength, this is what I am really good at, and this is how I am going to use this strength to take you to X, Y, Z.
Caroline (06:21.589)
Yeah.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (06:39.63)
So part of that is knowing yourself. I think that's the very, very first step and then really building upon those strengths and then creating and having tools in your tool belt to help up level yourself in terms of if you're having low bouts of confidence because we all have it, right? There are times when we, even now, like I am a very seasoned public speaker, even when I walk into a room of 50 to a hundred people that I'm presenting to, I still get butterflies and I still have that moment of,
Holy shit, here we go. But it's, I go back to my strengths, I go back to this is what I built up for and that helps project that confidence. There's other stuff too about the way you posture and like the superwoman pose and all those things, but really inherent self -confidence comes from knowing yourself and knowing what you have to offer.
Caroline (07:27.797)
How do you maintain confidence when imposter syndrome kicks in? You just mentioned, you you're on stage and you've been speaking on stage for many, many years and you still get the butterflies. And so how do you check that inner voice that's like telling you like, you're not supposed to be here or you're not meant to be here, but you really know that you are.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (07:46.702)
And that voice I call mine's Karen. I named her Karen. Some other, call them Daisy or whatever. So the first thing when I work with my clients is we talk about it's gonna happen, right? Just like there are gonna be obstacles and challenges are gonna come your way because life is not all lollipops and roses. We would love for that to be, but it's not. So I talk about using the...
It's called the AVF method. Dr. Becky talks about it a lot with her parenting, but it's really first acknowledging it, right? And validating it, like acknowledging that it's coming up, validating that it's a fear that you have because in our bodies, if we ignore it, it's going to come up again, but it's going to come back tenfold. So it's really important to acknowledge what's happening in your body. And then from there, feel it. And the last piece is to reframe, right? So I'm going to talk about feeling it. It's about where is it coming from?
Is it because you're nervous of what's happening now? Are you afraid of past experiences and that's what's happening? So this is in part where as the Enneagram is a beautiful tool to really help you understand part of where that imposter syndrome is coming from. So for me as a three, I'm very heartfelt in terms of my heart center. I look at the past a lot. So some of that imposter syndrome for me is more about past experiences and I look at, well, this is what's happened in the past, I'm bound to repeat it.
versus someone who's in the gut center, which is happening now. So their imposter syndrome is very different in how they would handle that. So know that it's gonna happen, acknowledge it, validate it, it absolutely happens, feel the feeling, and then from there you reframe. And you say, and you look like, listen, I got this, and you know what? Part of imposter syndrome comes from the idea of perfection, thinking that you've gotta be perfect. And we hear this especially as women that,
We have to be 10 times better than a man and we put that additional pressure on ourselves. And when we do, we think that being 10 times better must be perfection. And perfection is one, unsustainable, but two, it's a moving target. You'll never reach it. So let's get out of our heads with that perfection and really start working towards, I've got this and even if I do screw up, you know what? It's okay. People screw up all the time. And that's a long -winded answer to your question.
Caroline (10:08.981)
I love that you brought that up because number one, I think perfectionism is boring. Number two, well that's one of the reasons I want to talk these situations through with women, other women in, you know, whether or not you work in corporate or you're a female founder, I mean, we all experience these same feelings and I think it's okay to talk about the highlight reel and the mess.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (10:30.134)
Absolutely. During my dissertation, imposter syndrome was huge, right? When I was writing my dissertation, it was like, I'm not worthy to be here. I'm not smart enough to be here, but I have all the accolades and I am absolutely smart enough, but I second guess myself and it's going to happen, right? Even though I know I should be here, it's going to happen, but it's acknowledging it, validating it, feeling the feeling and then figure out your reframe.
Caroline (10:55.637)
I want to talk to you more about you're an Enneagram expert and you mentioned talked about self -awareness which is being so crucial no matter if you're in a leadership seat or not. But how is knowing your Enneagram and how it applies to you as a leader so important?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (11:12.813)
So this is why I love the Enneagram. It is a beautiful personal and professional tool. And what I love about it is that it gets to the why of your behaviors, your Clifton Strengths Finder, disc, MBTI, nothing against those. But what happens in a lot in terms of the corporate world when we get our numbers and our colors and all this stuff, it's like, what do I do with it? Yeah, this is my strength. Okay, what do I do? With the Enneagram, it says, listen, here are your strengths.
Here is where you go on autopilot and then here are the ways to use the tools of the Enneagram as your toolbox because in every situation that doesn't mean that your strength is what is needed, right? As a three, I'm a doer, right? I will get crap done in the most efficient way possible. But in a certain situation, that might not be the best tool for the toolbox. So then that's where I should tap in possibly to my wings, my two or my four.
And two, maybe in a situation I need to be a little bit more expressive or I need to pay attention to other people's feelings a little bit more because as a three, I'm like, forget feelings, go on, we gotta get this done. So it's being able to say, this is what I'm really good at and what I'm really good at sometimes can be my blind spot. So I've got these other tools I can use, not only my wings, but also understanding when in times of high stress, where you go.
how you tend to act and how to pull yourself out of that. That's what I love so much about the Enneagram is that it's deep and complex and it's been around for such a long time and there's so many different ways to use it that it really helps keep you, when I say it keeps you in check, like when you go on autopilot. Like for example last night and in terms of, it helps you with relationships, parenting, like I said, whole nine yards. Last night my son had an issue.
And I'm not going to share too much because he's like, mommy, don't tell people about these things. But he just, he had an issue. He's been having an issue at school and me as a three, as a doer and a go getter, I'm like, let's get into problem solving mode and strategy and let's fix this and do it now. That's not what he needed. He needed a mom to listen, just listen to him. And so that way he felt safe and comfortable. And beforehand,
Dr. Brandy Stamper (13:35.662)
before doing the Enneagram and becoming a strategist with the Enneagram, I would have went into do, do, do, thinking that's what he needed. But this really gave me a chance to check myself, because I wanted to do it. I wanted to tell him, and this is how to do it, to take care of it. But I checked myself, and I just stopped, and I listened, and I'm like, this is what he needs, and this is what I'm going to tap into more. And that's what I love about that. So it's really, it improves those relationships, whether if it's personal or professional.
Caroline (14:07.061)
That was a great example and thank you so much for sharing. How do you know when to check your Enneagram 3, like your do or mode? How do you know whether or not you're working through a problem, problem solving with a kid or a spouse or a friend? How do you know when to really check that?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (14:25.806)
Yeah, it's a muscle that you build, right? So it's like when you go, it's when you go to a gym, right? You can go to a gym and sit on a bench and scroll, you know, do the death scroll of Facebook or LinkedIn or whatever you want to call it. And, and you're not going to build your muscle. You know, you have to go in and lift the weights to build the muscle. So it's the same thing with the Enneagram. It's learning what you are, learning your strengths, learning communication style. And then from there, start building the muscle.
So part of that is that self -awareness and just taking a step back and just taking a breath. And what the beauty of it is as well is that you understand that people are not like you, even though we know this, right? But people do not think like you or have the same motivations and fears that you do. And so everyone is wired differently and like you can go even deeper and talk about tritypes, right? So there could be another three who self -preservation just like me.
They have a very different tritypes. So they have a very different thinking of the world and what they see. So how do you do it is building that muscle. It takes time and I'm still building that muscle. Like you're always learning. You're never going to be even though I know all the stuff with the Enneagram, I still have to check myself, right? I still have to do that. And it's just building that muscle and understanding not to go to that automatic default. If it is not a tool that's needed at the time. So it's really about assessing, understanding context.
and assessing what is needed at the time. And that takes time to build.
Caroline (15:56.853)
So your mission is to help women cultivate success on their terms in a way that feels authentic, fun, and sustainable so that they can expand their income, influence, and impact without compromising who they are or what matters most. Can you elaborate that further? Like, how do you achieve both of those, filling both of those buckets?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (16:17.07)
Yeah. So achieving success on your terms is really about knowing what you want, why you want it. So you can be unapologetic about it too many times, especially at me. I give my example. I was on the fast track for a career. I was all about career, career, career. And then I was like, Oh no, I want a family. I have a family. And now that I have a family, I'm like those goals and what I want has changed. And sometimes there's a little bit of a,
a grieving process because you're like, that's what I wanted and now I want something different. Is something wrong with me? So it's really about giving yourself permission to know that you're gonna pivot and it's okay to pivot, but knowing what you want and why you want it. So that way you can start setting up your goals, setting up what you wanna do for that success on your terms. It could be you want more time with your family because of what it was like when your mom or your parents or your caregiver, whatever.
And so it's reassessing and creating success for you in a way that is fun, makes you happy, because if you're not happy and you're pouring from an empty cup, you're not helping anyone at all. But then also sustainable too many times as well as we tend to try something new or like, oh, this is just a season. It'll be fine in six months. Six months goes by, you're in the same position. So.
when we're talking about sustainability, that's really where the Enneagram as one tool is so helpful to keep you in terms of being sustainable, understanding that, for example, as a three, I can become a workaholic, right? Like I can, I will get everything done and I will ignore everybody else because this is my goal, this is my mission, but it's not what I want, right? And so I have to check myself and be like, no, my goals are to...
I want to be there for the Easter parties. I want to do those things. And I have that ability to do so. I just have to make sure I don't say yes to all the things that I might miss out on an opportunity because this will take me to my career. So that's really where the power lies for women is that I want them to know that they can absolutely have success on their terms. It is about paying attention to those things so that way you will increase your income.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (18:37.358)
you'll increase your impact and your influence because you're coming from that place of confidence and power. By you saying no, it's respecting your own boundaries, but it's showing people that you know what you want and you're not negotiating on that. You can say, you know what? My daughter's Easter party is Thursday at 11 and I'm going to that. So I'm going to take off for that hour to two hours. I will get back to you or I will work an hour or two over.
but I am doing this and notice how powerful that is, how confident that is versus, um, well, my daughter's Easter's party is, is 11 and I was wondering if I could just go there and I'll come back and I'll make sure to work overtime. But is that okay? Right? You're asking for permission, whether it's saying, no, this is what's going to happen. I'm going to get it done. And that people will be like, Oh, okay. You're cool. So again, another long winded answer.
Caroline (19:35.189)
I think too, you don't even need to provide an explanation. You can just say, I'm not available at that time, but I'll get it done for you by XYZ period.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (19:44.27)
Absolutely, absolutely. We're finding that you don't even, you do not need the explanation, but sometimes the whole authenticity piece is coming out within leadership. And sometimes it's okay to share some of those personal pieces because people want to know about your life and not in a, in a nosy, some people, but not in a nosy like, um, you know, what are they doing type of thing, but to show that you're a real person.
right, and that you do have things outside of work. So it's deciding on context and what's appropriate and what's needed, right, and that's part of understanding being able to read that situation.
Caroline (20:27.317)
So speaking of being authentic, why is it so important to be an authentic leader?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (20:33.582)
It really, it shows that you're human. And when people, it's funny, it's the same thing like whenever I was teaching at the university, it's students, while they know you're human, right? Because you're alive and you're breathing and you're doing all the things. They think that you're way up here and they're way down here and that you don't have some of the same struggles and all those things and that story. Same thing like with your kids. Like when your kids are in middle school, they're teenagers.
You know nothing about this mom. You never had to deal with this dad. And you're like, oh, to be honest, you know, so, um, when you're authentic and you're able to show who you are, why you do what you do, or you know your values and your purpose, people are more likely to.
could follow you or be willing to be with you or work with you because they know what they're getting. If you don't show your cards, they don't necessarily know what they're getting. So they feel like they might have to walk on eggshells because you could be silently judging them and putting them on the chopping block for something. But when you're upfront, transparent, so I mean, there are differences between transparency versus vulnerability and all those other pieces. But by being true to who you are,
people know what they're getting. So they're more likely to work with you because they know what to expect rather than to second guess.
Caroline (22:03.349)
So as we wrap up, how can our listeners find you?
Dr. Brandy Stamper (22:06.392)
Oh yeah, so many places, all the socials. Well, I'm mainly on LinkedIn, so come see me on LinkedIn. I do have Facebook and Instagram, but highly active on LinkedIn. I also have my website so you can join my Thrive newsletter, so I send out just to my subscribers specific information, tips and tricks to help them each week.
And then I've also got a couple of freebies you're happy to sign up for. One for my mamas, one to increase your impact, but also one for self -confidence as well. So just a real quick short training to help with some of those pieces. So my website's brandystamper .com and you can find me on LinkedIn as well.
Caroline (22:42.517)
Thanks, Brandy.
Dr. Brandy Stamper (22:43.982)
Awesome, thank you so much, Caroline. Have a great day, everybody.
